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Trying to be the voice of reasoning

Ok so at 2:30 this morning I get a phone call from one of my closest friends in florida. This wasn’t an issue because I was wide awake and I would much rather talk on the phone then text. We talked for a while and he was telling me how unhappy he was in his marriage. My first question was have you tried counseling? His wife refuses to and has a known mental illness that she refuses to seek help for. I asked what was really wrong and he told me of the verbal and mental abuse. That she berates him for working 50 to 70 hours at his job while she works two ( she works a combined 45-50) and when he complains about being tired, she throws a fit and says” you’re not working two jobs”. He is doing all the cleaning, cooking, paying the bill etc and he feels used. When I suggested divorce, he said I have no where to go.This lead to me pushing the subject and asking what do you mean.

Apparently and I already had an idea because I still talk to his younger sister, a rift of major proportions happened between him and his family and now he doesn’t talk them. Guess who started the fighting and choose a side bullshit? That’s right, his wife. She tried the same bullshit when we were still friends and made him choose; me or her.

Since we started talking again( we stopped talking in 08, its now 2014), I was trying to keep polite for him in regards to his wife. Now I’m just done with the bullshit.

Which lead me to opening up my home in KANSAS and saying you have a couch to sleep on and a roof over your head. We will help you with a job. When I asked him this morning if he had thought about it and he said he was seriously considering it. But mention being afraid, he had been with this girl for 6 years and married to her for 5 of those six. He wanted his marriage to last but the abuse is too much.

I feel for him and after all this time, its great having my friend back but I’m not blind to the abuse. It is the same bully tactics that my ex husband used on me. I told him he has to make the choice not anybody else but he also needed to heal whatever damage has been done to his family and the friends he pushed away because of her.

I want the best for him and I will give him suggestions till I’m blue in the face but the choice is ultimately his.

Not crying for the first time…

Today I went to Walmart on my break from class and I stopped in front of the baby/toddler section. I picked up a little girl’s shirt that said ” guess whoo loves you”, it had 4 owls on it and owls, red birds and blue birds mean a great deal to my husband and I.  What was really kind of funny was my husband came up behind me and said” you’re smiling, not crying.”  This has been the first time in months that I have broken down in tears every time I go past the baby section, It was a wonderful feeling not bawling my eyes out in the middle of walmart.

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